As we sit here in the dog days of summer and watch, no longer shocked, as Donald Trump hurls predictably coarse and puerile language at his new, seemingly unexpected opponent, with most of it bouncing off like a rubber ball thrown up against a strong wall, it seems an ideal time to offer up a narrative of an event from long ago days that brought joy to many in tough times. It’s a tale of how a group of young men used imagination and humor to deal with with a future that for many would be filled with fear and dread as they faced mortal danger.
Yes, let me tell you that story.
It happened in late July, 1968, as I slogged through the U. S. Army’s Infantry Officer Candidate School, OCS, at Fort Benning¹ in south-western Georgia.
Newly married one month earlier, my wife Marilyn and I had arrived at Fort Benning shortly after our honeymoon. I reported for duty, and she, like the other Candidate wives, rented a house. It was a nice house, which, because of the intense training, I did not get to see for about four months.
During our six months of training, the Army allowed wives and girl friends to visit for an hour one evening a week in the Company Day Room, a large, non-descript, beige-colored, Army, jack-of-all-trades room. A couple of Naugahyde couches, ten or fifteen tables with two or three chairs at each, the place had all the warmth of a casino lobby.
With the exception of holding hands, we were not allowed to touch each other during these visits to chastity-central, so we were left with “how-are-you-doing?” visits. Much later, I found it interesting to realize how many babies were born about nine months after graduation from Officer Candidate School.
Practically speaking, the main purpose of these visits was to allow wives to collect laundry and uniforms for cleaning and to return the stuff they’d picked up for cleaning the week before. Although there was a laundry on base, Candidates were not allowed to use it, and, frankly, we wouldn’t have had the time even if we could. We went through at least two uniforms a day in the Benning heat, and the uniforms had to be heavily starched. Our uniforms had so much starch they could walk across a room by themselves and stand at attention saluting in the corner.
OCS was an ordeal in the best of times. To call it a grueling test of endurance is a bit like saying Machine Gun Kelly had a fondness for the Second Amendment. In a situation like that, everyone needed to pull for everyone so everyone would make it through. Your classmates became family for six months. Unit esprit de corps was critical, and, in our case, that’s what led to the greatest prank in Fort Benning history.
When I had arrived at Benning, I was assigned to a Company. Companies consisted of four Platoons of about 30 Candidates each. The Benning brain trust sent me to 60th Company and warehoused our four platoons in a large, rectangular, 4-story, cinder block building, a barracks, on top of a hill in the middle of the base. No barracks ever built would be featured in Architectural Digest.
Right beside our barracks was, unsurprisingly, 61st Company. Sixty-First Company had begun its six-month Georgian crucible in March, four months before we showed up. So, its 120 or so Officer Candidates were upperclassmen to us. That meant they could order us around, which they did, and we had to obey. We resented that — a lot — but we had no idea of what to do about it.
Every Company had an elected, but powerless, student government. We elected four officers. I was one of them. Joe Young, Randy Timmerman and Chris Yeo were the others. Joe and Randy came from military families and, later, made the Army their careers. Chris couldn’t wait to get out. Me? I had no idea.
We four student officers chafed at the abuse of 61st Company. We wheezed for days about what we could do to make them realize they were making mistakes of historic significance. And then, Providence smiled and showed us the way in the person of Captain Roger Henning, our despised Company Commander.²
As representatives of the student body, we occasionally had to meet with this creature of stunted protoplasm. During those meetings, in addition to letting us know what degenerates we were, he would, just for the good feeling it gave him, do his best to humiliate us by making us do crazy things like low-crawling down a water-filled, 150-foot ditch in front of the barracks with 80-pound rucksacks on our backs in 98 degree heat with the rest of the company standing at attention watching us. We would do that and come up smiling. Drove Henning nuts.
At one of these fun-filled meetings, Captain Henning let slip that 61st Company would be going out on overnight maneuvers in the Fort Benning Kudzu in a few days. That meant they’d be gone for about 15 hours, and for six of those hours, 2300 to 0500 hours (11:00pm to 5:00am), nobody would notice anything happening at 61st Company’s barracks. There’d be nobody there. So, if we were going to do anything, it had to be done within those six hours.
I’m not sure which one of us had the idea, it might have been Randy, but pretty soon we were cooking up a plan of monumental magnitude that would forever leave a vividly colorful image in the minds of our next door neighbors who would, at the moment of execution, be doggedly plodding through the Chattahoochee mud.
Every Company had a kind of demarcation zone between it and its neighbors on either side. The tiny demarcation zone consisted of a black, 3-inch wide line painted down the middle of the walkway running between the barracks buildings. That black line was sacred. Underclassmen were not allowed to cross onto the upperclassmen side. If an underclassman did that, any upperclassman who witnessed it could do to him what Captain Henning loved doing to us.
We devised a battle plan that was going to be challenging, but if we managed it the result would be satisfying, gratifying and become part of Benning lore. Or, we would be caught, thrown out of OCS and sent immediately to Vietnam as Privates, Infantry Grunts.
The plan, infantile as it was, was to delete the black line and then paint the entire 61st Company walkway psychedelic rainbow colors, and then do the same thing around the Company’s barracks entrance to about three feet in width. A big job to carry out in six hours in the dead of night.
The first thing we did was to make a run to the PX (Post Exchange – imagine a big department store, but organized as only the Army could) and buy a carload of spray paint cans in vivid colors. Joe did that. Then we had to enlist any of our 60th Company cadet brothers who: 1). Were willing to join us in an exercise where punishment would surely follow, and it would not be pretty, 2). Had some artistic talent, although we didn’t mind waiving that one for a warm body, and 3). Could keep their mouths shut.
We enlisted about 20 brethren, all of whom sufficiently crazy to join us in our potential career ending disaster. And on a warm Georgia night at precisely 2300 hours, long after the neighbors had marched off into the Georgia haze in lock-step cadence, we went into battle mode. The next six hours were exhausting. Covered in paint, we didn’t finish until 0455. Then we took five minutes to admire our handiwork. I have to say from 100 feet away it looked like something Jackson Pollock would approve; from ten feet away it looked like something made up to be seen 100 feet away. Still, to us it was gorgeous. To make it even better, the paint wouldn’t be dry until at least the middle of the day, long after 61st Company was due to return triumphantly singing their way back to their barracks home.
And that’s what they did, all 120 of them – until they were seeing distance from their walkway and entrance. Then, everything stopped. Dead silence. At that exact moment, we, who had lined up earlier in preparation for this joyful moment, began double-timing to the mess hall for breakfast. We never even looked at them. Just jogged on with me leading the Company in cadence and singing the company song I had written a month earlier for us. They did not sing back; they didn’t have a company song.
Of course, overwhelming joy did not last long for us, at least not for us four student criminals who were the ones Captain Henning decided to sacrifice on his personal altar of retribution. Over two days, once an hour he ordered the four of us to get in a crouch position with our footlockers, filled to the top, balanced between our thighs and arms, and make our way, crablike, along the corridors inside the barracks. When we weren’t trying to navigate the hallways like that, we had to lean our backs against a wall with our footlockers wedded to our thighs. I can still remember leaning against the wall with Captain Henning asking, screaming really, who else had been involved. We told him it was just Joe, Randy, Chris and me, which of course he didn’t believe for a second.
And what about the guys at 61st Company? What did they do? Answer: Not a thing. As soon as they realized they were not going to have to clean up the mess — a chore that would fall to Benning’s Facilities crews — they saluted us for the initiative. I think they realized they’d been had, were sorry they hadn’t thought something up for us before we did for them, and just decided to move on.
Was all of this stupid and infantile? Absolutely. But most of us would soon be heading off to an unknown and unforgiving future. Anything that helped morale, as long as it was legal, was fair game and worth doing. And this particular morale booster was both.
Much later, after graduating from OCS as a 2nd Lieutenant, then a year later being promoted to 1st Lieutenant and after that Captain, I would, in some Officer’s Club somewhere in Vietnam or the U. S., run into other Officers who came behind us at the Infantry School, the Benning home for boys. The first thing they’d say if they learned I was one of “those” Student Officers at 60th Company was, “Can I buy you a drink?”
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¹ In May, 2023, Fort Benning, originally named after Confederate General Henry Benning, was renamed Fort Moore, after Vietnam-era Lt. Gen. Harold G. Moore and his wife Julia. Fort Moore is the only military base in America named for a spousal couple.
² I’ve been unable to discover whether Captain Henning yet roams this earth, but just in case, I have changed his name, because I refuse to make enemies, whether living or dead.